Friday, January 1, 2010

A new year.... huge changes...

Notes: My oldest daughter will be 10, Sydney will be 8 1/2, Kiley will be 5 and CJ will be 2 1/2. My oldest 2 have very strong bonds with their grandparents and given the opportunity to move near grandma and grandpa, they would jump regardless of anything else. My youngest do not have the same bonds with the grandparents as the older 2 because we have lived far from them for the most part of their lives. I would love to foster a stronger bond for them.
My mother's health has not been as good as we would like. I would like to take the time to share with her. We are praying for good things to happen for her... It kills my parents to be away from the kiddos and how they ended up in Florida instead of RI was a huge mish mosh of a mess because of my grandmother passing and selling the house. anyways. I wouldnt want to regret not taking the time to be near my parents when the opportunity arose....
My parents just closed on a house in the middle of December so they are in Florida to stay.
They have a close knit community at their church which I know would be welcoming of me and my children. We spent Thanksgiving with that community.

**I will update more notes as I think of them! or anyone asks anything to help them decide what THEY would do in this situation!

Well, here we are... it is 2010. A new decade.
Last decade was definitely a memorable one. We rang in the year 2000 on the patio of some good friends of ours in Hawaii. We were some of the lucky ones and our husbands were not out to sea on that memorable New Years eve where we all did not quite know what was going to happen. You know... all the Y2K hype. I have to admit... it really got me nervous thinking about all the doom and gloom that some people (aka ME) were anticipating. I was hugely pregnant with my first born. There were crazy fireworks being lit off in all directions. I dont know how many of them were legal.... Wouldnt you know... on the morning of January 1st 2000.... all my silly little flowers I had growing in pots on OUR patio were all wilted and dead! I think all the firework smoke got to them! Oh, and I can tell you now... my almost 10 year old daughter HATES fireworks!!! HATES them. She HAS to cover her ears to this day! I think she was severely damaged by all of those loud, probably not legal, fireworks people were lighting off!

Anyways.... 10 years later... I can NOT believe it!!!! It certainly has a way of making a person feel MUCH older.

We spent the night at our next door neighbors house who we have lived next to (shared walls) since we moved here to Connecticut in June of 2006. This year... it will all end.

Our neighbor will be retiring from the Navy in June. And then, 1 month later my husband will be deploying to Diego Garcia. For a YEAR. That is a long time to be seperated from a loved one. Dont get me wrong... we are certainly counting out blessings that he is not (rather, should not... anything can change in an instant with th military) going to Iraq or Afghanistan for 16 months. So, it is a blessing he was able to be selected for these orders.

The big dilemma is... what do I do??? I get so panicked when I think of the whole aspect of ALONE... with 4 kids.... I have several options for things I can do. I do not know what all the stipulations are because it is the Navy... and there are so many different things that come in to play.

Option #1... I can stay here in CT. The kids could complete another year at their current schools... there would not be a need for changes in doctors/dentists/sports/school... you know. Status quo. They have a routine here. They have friends (although many of their friends do move because they go to school with a whole bunch of other Navy brats) so... their friends change all the time. Regardless. Their neighbors change. Regardless. There are alot of tides of change being a military family. Sydney has many different docs here but, in all honesty... I dont know how much longer she will be needing them. I wont put all my eggs in that basket though because Sydney is certainly a Zebra in a field of horses. Nothing would change... I would just be here in Connecticut with some decent friends. Some of my good friends will be moving at the same time we have to make our changes. These friends being some of the most reliable ones. The ones I can call on in an instant. Other friends have many other commitments. Oh, and we cant forget that fact that I have a hard time asking people for help. I feel that the kids are mine, they are my responsibility. And if I need a break, I dont have the $$$ to be paying for babysitters. Can you imagine trying to figure out Christmas shopping with 4 kids and nobody to depend on?! I mean, I could PAY someone... but that is money I would probably have allotted for that big Guitar Set, Train Table, DSi, Electric Guitar... you know.
I think a million steps ahead of myself. I just know that I would feel like a burden asking anyone for help. It is just in my nature. It is who I am. Nobody else birthed these children, they are my responsibility. And I have a hard time trusting people outside my immediate family. Not that anyone would do a bad job caring for them, I just think I am the one who knows how to care for them best.

Option 2. I could move to Florida and be near my family. Not have to worry about shoveling snow. Not have to worry about who I could call in the middle of the night should an emergency arise. Not have to worry about who would help me out because I am barfing my guts out or something incredible like that. I would be able to spend a year near my parents that I would not have had the opportunity to have any other way. And then, after the year, go on our merry way. Reunited with my husband and living in another place. The kids love spending time with my parents.

Option 3. Move near Ali who is ready to move us in her house! LOL!

Option 4. Good luck, I have no idea what I would do.

Of course every option has its pros and cons and I keep playing them over and over... and If I do move, I may have to pack our house up on my own. Dont know if the Navy would move us only to move us again in a year.

I dont know. I dont know. I dont know...
2010 will NOT be an easy year... It isnt something I look forward to. This has to be one of the toughest decisions I have to make.... I have to make the BEST decision for myself and my children. I have to be a GOOD parent... and a GOOD parent could be here... or it could be there... I dont know. So many different things define a GOOD parent. And can I be a GOOD parent without many breaks for MYSELF.
I dont know.


  1. I vote for staying here. You have everything already set up. You know the area well. The kids are established. I say keep everything as close to the same for them as possible. It'll make it easier for them and in turn make it a tad bit easier for you. My two cents.

  2. Maybe it's because I'm here in CT and maybe it's because I am going through a move right now, but I say stay put ;). Seriously though, with the doctors and stuff having to find new ones seems like such a huge hassle to me. And I know you originally moved here to CT to be closer to your parents and that didn't end up working out. What if things change with them again? What if they aren't as there for you as you had hoped they be? It is a tough choice. I'm sure you'll make the right one. Why not discuss it with Ashley and Sydney at least? They are old enough to have an opinion and a say I think. I'd talk to the kids and lay it all out for them. Might make your decision easier ;).

  3. I don't know you....came over from blogfrog.... but I agree with the previous commenter about discussing it with the two oldest if you seriously consider FL. I think it might actually be less stress to stay put.

  4. I came over from blogfrog too.

    My opinion is to move closer to your family. With four children you will need someone to rely on and to help you out. That doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you a human one. I live very close to my family and I just couldn't see it any other way. I need them and they need me.

    My heart goes out to you as you face your husband's deployment. I feel very heavy hearted as I type this. I cannot imagine my husband being away from us for a year.

    I will be praying for you both as you face this future, for you as you make this decision, and for your husband's safety.

    God Bless.

  5. I'm with Kate. I say move closer to Mom and Dad. You can take the medical records with you and find new docs. You can't find new family! Friends are wonderful and helpful, but it's just not the same! You are going to need someone to keep kids while you get stuff done, or when you need a break, or if a child should fall ill. And if your parents got sick, you could help them too. It's not a lifetime commitment, just a year!

  6. Erin,
    I think you actually made your decision. If you know Ashley and Sydney would jump at the chance to move to FL and be closer to their grandparents then it sounds like the only thing keeping you here really are the doctors. Now granted, the doctors in CT might be a little better. You have access to major cities with lots of different specialists, but honestly FL aint all bad either. Now of course I'd hate to see you go and like I said I'm in the midst of a move myself. I have done 90% of the packing so far as Joe has been a workhorse this week. It has been totally stressing me out. I never ever want to do this again. And of course you also know my family issues and have even commiserated with me some in dealing with them. There's still a huge part of me that wishes this move was further away from my family. I personally would stay put if Joe was going away for a year and I couldn't be with him though. But that's because of friendships I have here not because of family. I do have friends who I can totally count on. I think you know in your heart what the right thing to do for you and your family is and with your update it sounds like FL is what's right for you. But as you can see you can't go by what other people say because we all have different experiences.

  7. I came over from blog frog as well.

    As some previous commenter's mentioned, I would maybe talk about moving to FL with your children.
    See how they feel about it and what they say.

    As a fellow Connecticut-er, I know that Florida would be a HUGE change for your family.

    Good luck with choosing and in the end, you will choose what is right for everyone in your family.